Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
