When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
