I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
