I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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