we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
