She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
