Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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