don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
