whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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