So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
