I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
