Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize