He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
