i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
