I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
