Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
