I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
