there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
