Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
