the condom got lost in my hair
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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