I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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