Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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