why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
