Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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