I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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