I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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