Buhtt sex?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize