you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
