i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
