What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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