Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If its not for food we ain't going out.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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