All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize