I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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