I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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