You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
