Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
