He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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