Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize