just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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