im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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