The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
