this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
