I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
