Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
