its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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