were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
