Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
