3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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