well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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