I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
