She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
