We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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