HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
