i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So much rum. So many feels.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
