the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
