Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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