I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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