A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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