Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
