I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
