If i come over, it means nothing
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Send help, water and tortillas.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
