I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
