Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
