I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
