She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
