and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
