And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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