Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
