i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
