I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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