we're blogging at a bar
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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