the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
