Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My hand turned me down
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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