i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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