i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can you repeat that, but with context?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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