physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
