cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
