I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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