The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my shit smells like andre
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
